The Facts, Ma'am. Just The Facts.

Sixteen years ago I was single, had 3 children and made $7.50 an hour, if that.  I told God I wanted to move to Albuquerque.  My best friend lived there.  It was the city of my youth.  It was my Utopia.  And it was about 1000 miles away. 

There was no way I could get there and make a go of it with 3 kids, no money, and no family there.  I began to pray about it and pack.  I fasted.  I read my Bible.  I sought wise counsel from my pastor and the chaplain at work.  It seemed an impossible fete, though. 

I cold called the hospitals and was actually hired over the phone.  God spoke to me almost as if I could see him standing in front of me.  I can remember getting…well…ticked and kinda yelling …at God one afternoon.  I raised my voice in frustration, anyway.  I didn’t know exactly what it was like to be spoken to by God but surely it wasn’t like this.  A literal conversation!?!  As I read the Bible it was as if he responded to my very questions right there on the pages.  God spoke to me, went before me, opened doors, provided cash.  The day before my last day at work my co-workers collected a cash gift for me.  I don’t remember exactly how much it was, maybe $150 or $200.  The next morning on my way to work for the last time, I thanked God for the money and told him I would need more.  I didn’t tell anyone except him that I needed more money.  Before the day was over I had promise of another $1000 from an unexpected source.  It came the day we loaded the truck. 

I lived in Albuquerque for 8 years.  I’ve moved a few times since then, never rally seeking God’s direction about where I was going, until a few months ago.  You already know where he led me or sent me.  This time I wasn’t asking to come here; in fact I wanted to stay where I was. 

So, I find myself back where I started, sort of.  Where he directed, led, paved the way to, the first time I really sought him.  When I sought God, I saw that God is here.  Now.  Right next to me.  Speaking to me…if I give him the time of day.  If I stop long enough to listen to him. 

I don’t know how we can ever go back to life the way it was after we’ve been with God.  After the Creator of the Universe stops to talk to you, how can you possibly act like it never happened?  But I know you can.  I did. 

Today, I was sent to an interview at the place I worked when I left Albuquerque, the last time.  I don’t know if I’ll get this job.  But it made me feel like I’ve come full circle.  I believe I am here by God’s design.  I don’t know what God has in store for me; not sure I want to know.  But I know for certain he’s at work in Renata’s life.  He’ll walk through the calm times and the unhappy times with us. 

The Lord says, “Forget what happened before,

and do not think about the past

            Look at the new thing I am going to do.

                        It is already happening.  Don’t you see it?

            I will make a road in the desert

                        and rivers in the dry land.  Isaiah 43:18 & 19 (NCV)

          Heavenly Father, forgive me for ignoring you and not continuing to seek your guidance in my life.  Give me strength Father to face the lessons you are teaching me now.  I'm listening, God.

Desire-ectomy

Twenty years ago this spring God gave me a scripture with promise.  It was mine!  Had my name on it.  I’ve taken it out almost every day for the last twenty years and looked at it.  I’ve petted it, polished it and known that one day I would see the promise fulfilled.  I know God is faithful….He will fulfill that promise.

            I’m doing a Beth Moore study at my church.  We’re studying The Inheritance.  What is ours, simply because we belong to him.  Last night, Beth had some interesting comments.  She put some things into perspective for me.  She talked about how the children of Israel were afraid to cross the Jordan and take possession of God’s promise to them because the spies came back with reports of giants in the land.  She said we all have a river of fear between us and the realization of God’s promises to us.  Mmmmm.  She said we have to fight for what God has promised so that we can develop the muscle to hold on to it when the enemy tries to take it from us…or something to that effect.

            Well, that got me to thinking.  I immediately thought of the promise from twenty years ago.  God, Am I supposed to fight for this?  To stand on your promises?  To Pray for this, believing that I will receive (my interpretation of) that promise?

            I asked my small group to pray for direction in my praying.

            I woke up this morning ready to talk to God.  I pray pretty specific.  I needed direction on how to pray.  I’ll fast today, asking God to reveal his deep thoughts to me.  To guide me.  This will be my goal for the days to come.  He will answer me.  I may have to tarry, to fast some more, to seek him.  OOOH, My God Has Brought Me Sooo Far.  OOOH, How I Have Grown In Him.

            I kinda hate it when he has to remind me, you’re not as hot as you think you are.  I feel a little like Edith Ann sitting in the chair she hasn’t quite grown into yet.

            My scripture with promise is….Are you ready?

           

Delight thyself in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 

Ps. 37:4

            I have trouble juggling the “Delight thyself in the Lord” part with “The desires of my heart” part. I mean, it’s my heart’s desire.  This morning, I hear him saying, “Delight in me and the desires of your heart will become to…delight in me”.

            There may be more to the desires of my heart thing.  But I think my Father just told me to focus on delighting in him.  Period.  Now the object of my heart’s desire will not just supernaturally disappear, but I believe what I’m hearing is rather than giving the object  of my heart’s desire to him, I must give him…trust him with the desires of my heart.  My dreams.  It’s possible he may change them and give them back to me refashioned.

            I kinda liked it better when I could piously give God the people in my life that are hurting and I couldn’t change and ask him to heal them, change them.  But what he wants if for me to give him my heart so that he can change me, heal me.  

            My honest reaction is both, ”WOW!  GOD!  Do a work in me!  As well as, “OH POO!  Not that God.  Not that.

            Father, I asked for direction and Lord, just like you’ve been doing, you spoke to me.  Thank you, Lord God, Creator of the Universe for speaking to me.  For loving me. 

            Father, I give you the desires of my heart.  I give you my dreams.  God make my heart’s desire to delight in you.

            Help me to trust you with my heart.

            Help me to walk in obedience.

Say Cheese!

       If my life has a mission statement it might be, at least in part, Acts 4:13.  the last part of this says, "Then they realized that Peter and John had been with Jesus".

       I am not photogenic.  I've always said when I have my picture taken that it looks like a Mack truck stopped a little too close to my face.  But there are two pictures on my desk that are different.  It's still me, so it's not perfection by any means.  In them, I'm with family.  Now, if I know someone's gonna take my picture, I smile.  It usually does not help the final outcome.  But there's something different about these two pictures.  I'm with people I love, but it's more than that.

       I love the picture taker.  I am focused on him.  When I look at my face in these pics I can see a reflection of him.  Not his shape, but you can look at me and see that I had spent time with him. 

       Yep!  My life is a parable!

       My goal is that my very person reflect Jesus.  My eyes, my expression, my smile.  I want others to see me and say, "I realize that Renata has been with Jesus".

     Father God, I love you.  I want to spend time with and get to know you.  Lord, I want to bask in your presence and walk into life changed.