Scared Spitless

This morning, I opened my eyes and my first thought was, “Lord, I'm scared spitless". I continued talking to God as I readied for the day ahead. My under-employment for the last 9 months doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon; so I need direction from God.  Literally.  Do I go north, east, west or stay here?

My folks are to the east, in Arkansas and would love for me to go stay with them until I get on my feet.

My son and his family are a little to the north, here in Texas.  They have 3 children who would like nothing better than for Grandma to come stay with them.

The west is where my other 2 children live.  My best friend has a room ready for me there.

As I talked to God this morning and pondered these options, all with pros and cons, I complained that flowers won't grow in the desert to the west and I crave a garden again.

I asked God to direct me. Lead me. Give me a sign.

My devotion this morning was titled, “When You're Afraid”.  Now, I'm no longer really surprised by God reaching or bending down to speak to me. This booklet of seemingly random devotions, given to me by a friend has on more occasions than not spoken to me the words I need, at precisely the time I need to hear them.

The text was Isaiah 35, verses 1 through 4. I pulled my New Century Version translation toward me. ( I've been reading through the book of Isaiah and this translation makes it more understandable to me.) The text for this random devotion begins....

The desert and dry land will become happy; the desert will be glad

and will produce flowers. (no joke, look it up yourself. New Century Version)

Like a flower it will have many blooms. It will show it's happiness,

as if it were shouting with joy. It will be beautiful like the forest of

Lebanon, as beautiful as the hills of Sharon. Everyone will see the

glory of the Lord and the splendor of our God. Make the weak hands

strong and the weak knees steady (have I mentioned I've started wear-

ing a knee brace everyday? Haha. I just thought it was funny.) Say

to the people who are frightened “Be strong, don't be afraid. Look,

your God will come, and he will punish your enemies. He will make

them pay for the wrong they did

But he will save you.

Oh Father, I don't believe in coincidences when it comes to you. But, here I am again, asking, 

“Are you talking to me?!?”

You know my heart...better than I know it myself,

...well, to be honest I don't have a clue what my heart wants anymore. 

Father, as I continue to seek you, please guide me, 

and like Gideon, not quite convinced with the first supernatural miracle of your communication, please talk to me again.

Show me, Lord, (preferably without buckling my knees) what I should do.