Me and Lindsay Lohan

            God has very distinctly told me to forget about my past…what’s gone on before.  And that he’s doing something new in my life.  Something that he’s already started the ball rolling on.

            Well, I’m inpatient.  Here I am!  I’ve moved 600 miles.  Pulled my heart kicking and screaming, I might add. But I’m here.  Doesn’t sound like it was cheerful obedience, does it? 

            I’m unemployed and sleeping in my best friend’s spare bedroom.  In other words you can reach me at Limbo, USA.

            I think I might have mentioned before that I’m in spiritual rehab.  That’s what it feels like.  God is having to reteach me how to live.  I suppose if my heart was cheerfully relearning then this would be a spiritual spa.  Relaxing at times, refreshing, and invigorating.  All in your perspective.  But I tend to do things the difficult way if there is one.  So for me it’s been a Lindsay Lohan-like experience.  Kinda court ordered.

            Yesterday God re-covered the potter working his clay and having to start over and reshape the lump into another vessel (Jer. 18:4).  He’s told me his mind should be in me (Phil. 2:5).  To praise HIM.  Just to praise him (Ps. 150:6).  And how my words are pretty weighty.  They can either heal or destroy; build up or tear down (Prov. 15:4).  The Father reminded me of when Jesus told his disciples that he, himself was a servant and asked them who was greater, the one at the table being served or the server (Luke 22:27).  Today he reminded me of the weapons that are mine to carry into battle when I leave Limbo USA and return to the world.  He says in 2 Corin. 13:5 that we, with our spiritual weapons capture every thought and make it obey Christ.  He said every thought.  Not just when we’re having a good day but every day.  Every thought.  Can you tell this is where I have trouble?  My thoughts.  I feel like Mrs. Lott.  Continually looking back over my shoulder at what I’m leaving behind.  And what was she seeing when she looked back?  Destruction.  When I look back I’m missing what The Creator of the Universe has set aside…a special delivery just for Renata.  Not something to snub my nose at.  I love surprises!

            So…with that said…there is a spot in Texas that I came to love.  I met wise people who loved me, taught and led me, and changed my life.  Showing me their servants’ hearts.  I’m extremely thankful for the time I spent there.  And of course, I left a broken dream of mine there.  It’s been hard for me to stop looking back at my shattered hopes for that dream.  But forward is healing and rebuilding.  It is my intention to capture EVERY thought and make it obey Christ.  I’m gonna see if I can turn this into a spa instead of rehab.

            Father, I love you.  Thank you for your wisdom and guidance.  For your instruction.  Cleanse my heart.  Make me ready to live the life you’ve picked out for me.  Make me able and ready to serve you.