A New Pair of Earplugs

            Today my Random Book of Devotions took me to Acts 26:13-19 where Paul is telling King Agrippa about what happened to him on the way to Damascus.  The whole point of the devotion today, is to tell your story to those God puts in your life.  Or your path.

            I love to talk.  I can get up in the morning with my motor revved and ready to talk your ear off.  If you know me at all, you probably know more about me than you want to.  I have no idea why I really feel you need and even want to know about my love affair with the color blue or with flowers.  But I do.  Lucky you!

            Now, when it comes to sharing my God stories, I clam up.  My co-workers don’t usually see God’s grace and power at work in my life.  I find it much easier to tell things about me that might make me look more like them.  Which, of course, I am, really.  I’m just forgiven and I’m supposed to be striving for Christ-likeness.

            That may be one reason I’m stuck on this “Groundhog Day” movie-like repetition thing.  God is saying, “You can do it” and when I show folks me instead of him, he says, “Next time you’ll get it” and moves me on. 

            I started a new job this week.  So far, I’m just a temp.  But there are several new people God has put in my path.  I have a brand new pair of ear plugs in my purse to dim the noise of 2 different hip hop stations playing on either side of me.  But I resolve to not completely distance myself from these people God has placed here.  I will look for opportunities to show them God’s grace and love at work in my life.

            Thank you, Lord, for the opportunities I know you are going to provide for me to share you.  Father, I pray my life is pleasing to you.  Cleanse me and guide me as I go forward.

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I think this is the Devotional Bible I have. 
                              And you just can't go wrong with Max Lucado.
                                                                   Get a plan.

Keep on reading...this is not Woe is me.

            I have moved at least 34 times.  From Kindergarten to 8^th grade there were 11 schools.  There were no lasting friendships made.  I was always the new kid and saying good-bye before you knew it. 

            Now, I’m 52 and with this last move, I’ve told God, I’m tired.  Please let me stop.  There are times, when I realize my youth is behind me and I’ve not accomplished what I wanted to and not where I’d like to be in my life.  I feel defeated. 

            This morning the title in my Random Book of Devotions was “God Has No Retirement Plan”.  It directed me to Joshua 14:10-13.  In this text they’re telling us of when Canaan, the Promised Land, was divided between the Israelites.  Caleb says here that he was 40 when God promised the land to them.  45 years later at 85 he chose a mountainous land inhabited by a people that would have to be driven out.  Caleb took God at his word.  God had promised and in spite of being 85 years old, Caleb believed God would provide the ability, strength, and resources to accomplish or just receive what God intended him to have.                       

            I serve the same God as Caleb.  (Makes me want to jump up and down!)  God gave me a specific promise 19 years ago.  And like the Israelites, I’ve had some desert wandering to do.  I haven’t realized the promise yet, but daily for 19 years it’s been with me.  God is faithful.  Caleb realized God’s promise for him because “he wholly followed God” (Joshua 14:14).  That’s what I want God to be able to say of me…that Renata received the promises God made to her because she wholly followed God.

            Heavenly Father, thank you for your promises and faithfulness.  Thank you for your provision.  Remind me, Lord, when I forget that you are not a spectator, but actively doing a work in my life.

Who I Am

     I've always had trouble understanding how grace works.  In recent months God has opened my eyes and understanding...a little.  He's made me to understand we are nothing without him and that he loves us in Christ.  When he looks at me, he sees his son, Christ.

     Ps. 130:3 says, "Lord, if you punished people for all their sins, no one would be left, Lord.  And Rom. 3:19 says that, "...the law only shows us our sin."


     Now, Eph. 1:3-13 lays it out for me.  It says:  IN CHRIST, God has given us every spiritual blessing in the heavenly world.  That is IN CHRIST, he chose us before the world was made so that we would be his holy people - people without blame before him.  Because of his love, God has already decided to make us his own children through Jesus Christ.  That was what he wanted and what pleased him, and it brings praise to God because of his wonderful grace.  God gave that grace to us freely, IN CHRIST, the one he loves.  IN CHRIST we are set free by the blood of his death, and so we have forgiveness of sins.  HOW RICH IS GOD'S GRACE, which he has given to us so fully and freely.  God with full wisdom and understanding let us know his secret purpose.  This was what God wanted and he planned to do it through Christ....... We are the first people who hoped in Christ and we were chosen so that we would praise to God's glory.  So it is with you.  When you heard the true teaching, the Good News about your salvation you believed in Christ.  And IN CHRIST, God put his special mark of ownership on you by giving you the Holy Spirit that he had promised. 

     Oh My Goodness!  That is so awesome!!!  God is good.  It may be that this is meant for me and me only... but I don't think so.  Is. 55:11 says that his word will not return to him void.  In other words it will accomplish what he intends it to.  I've been praying as I write this, that when you...whoever you is...when you read this you'll realize how important You are to HIM.  How much he loves you and wants you for his own. 

    Father, thank you for letting us know you love us.  That through your son, Jesus, we are precious to you.  Lead me closer to you, Lord.  I pray that others see you in me every day.

Me and Lindsay Lohan

            God has very distinctly told me to forget about my past…what’s gone on before.  And that he’s doing something new in my life.  Something that he’s already started the ball rolling on.

            Well, I’m inpatient.  Here I am!  I’ve moved 600 miles.  Pulled my heart kicking and screaming, I might add. But I’m here.  Doesn’t sound like it was cheerful obedience, does it? 

            I’m unemployed and sleeping in my best friend’s spare bedroom.  In other words you can reach me at Limbo, USA.

            I think I might have mentioned before that I’m in spiritual rehab.  That’s what it feels like.  God is having to reteach me how to live.  I suppose if my heart was cheerfully relearning then this would be a spiritual spa.  Relaxing at times, refreshing, and invigorating.  All in your perspective.  But I tend to do things the difficult way if there is one.  So for me it’s been a Lindsay Lohan-like experience.  Kinda court ordered.

            Yesterday God re-covered the potter working his clay and having to start over and reshape the lump into another vessel (Jer. 18:4).  He’s told me his mind should be in me (Phil. 2:5).  To praise HIM.  Just to praise him (Ps. 150:6).  And how my words are pretty weighty.  They can either heal or destroy; build up or tear down (Prov. 15:4).  The Father reminded me of when Jesus told his disciples that he, himself was a servant and asked them who was greater, the one at the table being served or the server (Luke 22:27).  Today he reminded me of the weapons that are mine to carry into battle when I leave Limbo USA and return to the world.  He says in 2 Corin. 13:5 that we, with our spiritual weapons capture every thought and make it obey Christ.  He said every thought.  Not just when we’re having a good day but every day.  Every thought.  Can you tell this is where I have trouble?  My thoughts.  I feel like Mrs. Lott.  Continually looking back over my shoulder at what I’m leaving behind.  And what was she seeing when she looked back?  Destruction.  When I look back I’m missing what The Creator of the Universe has set aside…a special delivery just for Renata.  Not something to snub my nose at.  I love surprises!

            So…with that said…there is a spot in Texas that I came to love.  I met wise people who loved me, taught and led me, and changed my life.  Showing me their servants’ hearts.  I’m extremely thankful for the time I spent there.  And of course, I left a broken dream of mine there.  It’s been hard for me to stop looking back at my shattered hopes for that dream.  But forward is healing and rebuilding.  It is my intention to capture EVERY thought and make it obey Christ.  I’m gonna see if I can turn this into a spa instead of rehab.

            Father, I love you.  Thank you for your wisdom and guidance.  For your instruction.  Cleanse my heart.  Make me ready to live the life you’ve picked out for me.  Make me able and ready to serve you. 

His Delight!

Whenever I've thought of how God must think of me, I imagined disappointment, displeasure, maybe even some anger.  Recently, however, I've come to the KNOWLEDGE that he sees me through his son's blood.  Romans 3:24 says we "are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus" (ESV).  So how could he see me as anything but righteous?  Wow!

I've never considered, though, that he delights in me.  That he likes me.  I see myself as a huge dork and life loser.  How can God delight in me?  Zephaniah 3:17 says:  The Lord your God is with you; the mighty one will save you.  He will rejoice over you.  You will rest in his love, he will sing and be joyful about you!

The Bible says it.  Therefore.  It. Is.  True.  The Almighty God issinging and is joyful over Renata and over you!

     Thank you Father for showing me again that you value me.  Thank you for being with me.  For hearing me when I talk to you and most fo all for talking to me.  Thank you for not leaving me alone on my journey.  You are with me.



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Psalm 16

Protect me God because I trust in you.  I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord".  Every good thing I have comes from you.  As for the Godly people in the world, they are the wonderful ones I enjoy.  But those who turn to idols will have much pain.  I will not offer blood to those idols or even speak their names.  No, the Lord is all I need.  He takes care of me.  My share in life has been pleasant.  My past has been beautiful.  I praise the Lord because he advised me.  Even at night, I feel his leading.  I keep the Lord before me always.  Because he is close by my side I will not be hurt.  So I rejoice and am glad.  Even my body has hope because you will not leave me in the grave.  You will not let your holy one rot.  You will teach me how to live a holy life.  Being with you will fill me with joy; at your right side I will find pleasure forever.

     I love you, Father, and trust you.


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If I Were God....

When you hear someone say that God told them something, or spoke to them, do you wonder how that can be? The Creator, speaking to an individual. Not a world leader or Billy Graham, but just a simple Joe or Jill. They don't seem to influence thousands, or hundreds, or even 50 people. But they claim the Almighty God stopped. Called their name. And spoke into the details of their seemingly insignificant life.

Hard to believe, isn't it? An out of work, over wieght, mistake prone grandmother having a meaningful conversation with...The God.

But that is exactly what is happening...to me. Can you imagine how eager I am to sit down each morning for my devotion...my quiet time...my God time? He meets me there. I mean, He's always with me, but in the quiet of the morning, before I start running errands or I let my thoughts get carried way by the demands of the day or by my fears...I sit and listen. He responds to what I've been talking to him about.

If I were God, I would definitely lose patience with me and others like me. God has told me of good things coming; he's told me of my purpose; he's told me there'll be flowers! And yet I still fear. I whine about no job, no home, my aching heart. OH MY GOSH!!! If I were God I would say, “HAVEN'T I ALREADY TOLD YOU?!? I'VE GOT PLANS FOR YOU! DON'T YOU LISTEN?!

But not God. When I cry over what he's already talked to me about, he stops and lovingly soothes me. Some of my mistakes like burning my tongue on my coffee will be forgotten by tomorrow, but others have longer lasting consequences. And as I live my days and weeks with those consequences, my Father is loving and patient. He tells me, “I've got it worked out for you.” He doesn't even remember my mistakes. He goes before me and lays out my life, full of love and purpose and even laughter. Full of good things.

I know that no matter what my life holds, He holds my life.

My Father, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! For me not being in charge. Thank you for showing me how I am supposed to respond to others. Thank you for responding to little ol' me. You've shown me that in your eyes, I, Renata, covered in your Son's blood, am important to you. I don't understand it, but Father, I know it to be true. I love you.

He is Faithful!

I just wanna jump up and down and holler. Tell someone!

God is so faithful!

This morning I awoke at 5:30. My thoughts and heart on what I've left behind. I told God how much I hurt and shed a few tears. Then in an attempt to shake it off, I reached for my Source of Comfort and my Random Book of Devotions. When I opened my Bible the most amazing thing happened. My Heavenly Father put his arms around me and said, “

“Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Gasp! (It was hard for me to read the rest through my tears...) Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it? I will make a road in the desert and rivers in the dry land. Isaiah 43:18 & 19.

God has spoken to me, telling me where he wants me to live. He has encouraged me with instructions once I arrived. I have still been fearful and sad...with the God of the Universe talking with Renata, personally. You'd think I would be ecstatic with the plans he has for me. That God, you know the Big Guy, laying out plans for me and telling me not only that everything will be ok but that it will be wonderful! I have been the typical emotional female that the Father has taken the time out to console and comfort.

I can't say it enough; God is so faithful!

Thank you so much Father. Thank you for arranging for me to have this out of date Random Book of Devotions. Thank you for arranging for me to read exactly what I need, when I need it.

Thank you, Lord for loving me enough to not leave me alone. For going through this change with me.

Today I will lift my eyes to you and sing praises. You are my strength!

It's All About Me---NOT!

Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God.

Ps. 146:5

I've been sad. 

Life has not been going the way I want it to. I feel like a 2 year old who doesn't get to watch her favorite cartoon and crumples to the floor, sobbing and wailing. Heartbroken.

I've been doing some sobbing and wailing to God lately. I've felt ashamed, but did it all the same.

Isaiah 55:12 says, So you will go out with joy and be led out in peace. The mountains and hills burst into song before you, all the trees in the fields will clap their hands.

And 1 Thes. 5:16-18. Always be joyful. Pray continually, and give thanks whatever happens. This is what God wants for you in Christ Jesus.

Heb. 13:1-5 So through Jesus let us always offer to God our sacrifice of praise.

I've known in my head all along that God is directing my steps, but it still doesn't change the fact that I want what I want. Regardless of how bad it may be for me or the fact that something wonderful is in store for me by obeying him.

And besides all that ...it is not all about me. Or even you. I was somewhat shocked and a little dismayed when the Sunday School teacher at Brazos Meadows said that a few weeks ago.

Rev. 7:9-12 clears it up for me. It says, ...I looked, and there was a great number of people, so many that no one could count them. They were from every nation, tribe, people, and language of the earth. They were all standing before the throne and before the lamb, wearing white robes and holding palm branches in their hands. They were shouting in a loud voice “Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.” All the angels were standing around the throne and the elders and the four living creatures. They all bowed down on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying Amen! Praise, glory, wisdom, thanks, honor, power, and strength belong to our God forever and ever. Amen!

In other words, I'm not here to get the most and the best for me out of life. I'm here to bring glory to God. (Wow does God have his work cut out for him!)

In spite of the fact that I'm here to bring glory to God, he tells me... if God is for me who can be against me? (Rom 8:31)  He bends down to take care of me, meet my needs and even fulfill my desires.

Father God, forgive me for being so me centered. Please Lord, continue to reveal yourself to me and remind me of my purpose here. To bring you glory. I pray Lord, that you search me and draw me closer to you. Thank you Heavenly Father for loving me and for concerning yourself with the details of my life.

Missed Opportunity

For the past several days, God has spoken to me about my attitude. Which at times can be puffed up. He has spoken to me about making a difference. About my circle of influence. We all have one.

I moved out of my apartment this week. I lived there for 17 months. My neighbor and I had introduced ourselves to each other and waved in passing, but never really talked or got to know each other.

She is a younger woman by 20 years. Has several tattoos, smoked a lot. And I was awoken in the middle of the night a time or two by loud fights between her and her live-in boyfriend. Through the walls of our apartment I often heard her yelling profanities at her teenagers. I determined I didn't want to be involved with this sort of person.

On moving day I knocked on her door to offer her some food from my freezer.  She ended up offering to help me with the final clean out and clean up. Through out the day we talked and got to know each other.

This young woman grew up with a mom who had a drug problem. She had 2 children as a teenager and she had a drug problem. She spent 3 years in prison and is now clean. She told me of going to church as a young teen and of her son going to church now with one of his friends.

We found we had a few things in common and could have been friends. She most likely would have gone to church with me....if I had ever asked or taken the time to get to know her at all.

I missed my opportunity. I will remember Alana for the rest of my life. Because of how I failed her or God.

Who am I that “I” should judge a person and find them not good enough for me. I never had that particular thought about her, but what I did think, I am too ashamed to share.

Heavenly Father, forgive me for exalting myself in that I felt I was better than Alana. I pray you draw her to you. Lord, show me how I can reach out to others. Lord, help me to realize that the waitress, the cashier at Wal-Mart, and my next door neighbor are ALL loved by you and put in my path so I can show them you.

Puffed Up

The other day, I was reading Max Lucado's “Out Live Your Life”, (which I expect to be a life changing book) and he said “Don't forget who holds you”. Everything we are; everything we have is because of Christ.

I Corin. 4:7 says:

Who says you are better than others? What do you have that was not

given to you? And if it was given to you, why do you brag as if you

did not receive it as a gift?

And Acts 7: 2-4 says:

Stephen answered, “Brothers and fathers, listen to me. Our glorious

God appeared to Abraham, our ancestor, in Mesopotamia before he

lived in Haran. God said to Abraham, “Leave your country and your

relatives, and go to the land I will show you.” So Abraham left the

country of Chaldea and went to live in Haran. After Abraham's

father died, God sent him to this place where you now live.

God's the one who brought us where we are. He has given us what we have. Any wisdom we posess, isn't really ours; it's God's wisdom. He gave it to us.

The other day I was talking to a friend who is going through a time of confusion. I told my friend, just to immerse themselves in God's word. If you do that then God will leach into your heart, your thoughts, and your actions. I told my friend that I understood where they were coming from,

because I'd been in that place of seperation from God through my guilt. But God still wants his children. I told my friend that my goal was to immerse myself so much in the Word that Christ leaks out of me. And others will be able to see that I'd been with Jesus. I walked away thinking “you did good, Renata”. I felt pious. Somewhat holy, even.

The next day I spoke with one of my daughters and kind of counseled her some on life.

Oh yes, God is gonna use me. I've been reading my Bible and my little Random Book of Devotions. God has been speaking to me. …...I AM A VESSEL.....

I have arrived. Or at least, I'm well on my way to arriving.

Yesterday, I fell flat on my face. Not literally, but I failed in my walk. I had to go to God and ask him to forgive me. I looked at myself and asked, “Why? You've been reading your Bible everyday. Why can't you get “Right” inside of you so that it comes out in your actions?” Maybe part of the reason is that I'm not immersed in Him. I'm not who I was. I've been reading and studying the Word, some. But not really immersed. I need more of HIM so I become less. The other reason that “Right” doesn't consistently come out in my actions is that I'm not perfect. I'm not righteous on my own. (I can say these words, but in reality I don't understand them. I won't understand completely until I get to Heaven. But I know them to be true.)

Oh God, how quickly I forget who holds me. If the words I spoke and the life of the speaker touched these 2 people, it isn't because of Renata's superior intelligence or wisdom, but because of you, God. To forget who holds me is the prelude to falling.

Forgive me, Lord for forgetting who I am and for falling. Thank you for loving me. For your grace and mercy.

Lord, I am aware that as you mold and make me into what you want; I look into the mirror quite impressed with what I have made of myself. I'm sorry, Father God. Please forgive me. Help me Lord to always remember who I am. I am in Christ. I am nothing outside of Christ. I have no reason to boast or feel puffed up.

My Emotional Rant

I am well aware that I am an emotional person. I tend to painfully scrape the lining of my heart just so I can understand what I feel and in my current situation, not to do it again.

So, that said...I have determined God is leading me to Albuquerque. And I believe he's told me he wants to use me to bring my girls to him. But lately, I've entertained the possibility that perhaps this move is for me. That God sees tragedy for me ahead and because he loves me, he wants me to be surrounded by people who love me...as I lay dying of some dreaded disease...or whatever.

Of course, I know fear is the opposite of faith. And I also know that into every life a little rain must fall. As the time for me to leave draws nearer, I find that I'm a lot more emotional. (If that's even possible.) And right on the edge of panic at this big move and change in my life. This step is more than a geographical move for me. I'm anxious to get it over with and for the next year or so to go by quickly so my heart will have healed some.

(Just F.Y.I. For those of you who don't know me well, I'm not a huge drama queen and I don't take myself too seriously. I know I can be over-dramatic, over-emotional and a bit of a hypochondriac at times. Although, I'm coming out of that last one some. So, just roll your eyes and read on. I'll eventually make my point.)

My Random Book of Devotions this morning referenced Deuteronomy 18:18.

I will raise up a Prophet from among their brethren, like unto thee, and will put

my words in his mouth; and he shall speak unto them all that I shall command

him.

This prophecy came to the Israelites as they arrived at the Promised Land, before they entered.

They knew that Moses was not to be their leader any longer and that God was going to appoint another. But this prophecy was about Jesus.

It was before the nation of Israel was formed, before David was king, before the exile and return of the Jews from their land. God knows the future. He knew all that Israel would go through before the Messiah came or before he comes again.

Psalm 16:11 says

Thou wilt shew me the path of life; in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right

hand there are pleasures for evermore.

And 27:1

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength

of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?

Oh,what wonderful promises! I can be assured that God loves me and goes before me in all situations. I don't know what tomorrow, or next month, or next year will bring. But I do know in His presence joy awaits me. I know that because I'm HIS, I don't need to fear anyone or anything.

Father, thank you for your loving care. It's enough that you see my tomorrows. The good and the bad. I know that you have promised to deliver me from ALL afflictions (Ps. 34:19). Today, Lord, I again hand over my fears of tomorrow and the losses or failures of yesterday. I praise you for the joy you've put in my heart. And I thank you for reminding me that somehow my story is a part of your plan.

Inside My Head...

Psalm 4:3-8 (NCV) says:

You know that the Lord has chosen for himself, those who are loyal to him. The Lord

listens when I pray to him. When you are angry do not sin. Think about these things

quietly as you go to bed. Do what is right as a sacrifice to the Lord and trust the Lord.

Many people ask, “who will give us anything good?” Lord, be kind to us. But you

have made me very happy, happier than they are, even with all their grain and new

wine. I go to bed and sleep in peace, because, Lord only you keep me safe.

Sometimes, I wish you could see my thoughts, (then again, that would land me in a padded room for sure). This was the text from my Random Book of Devotions. As I sit down to breakfast and my quiet time each morning, I thank God for the meal, ask him to bless it and to open my heart and mind to his word. And as I read, I try to look for what's in it for me. God's word is intentional. What does he intend for me to see today?

He continually amazes me! I am well aware that if you could actually see into my thoughts, you would indeed, think I'm as crazy as a loon. I, think that myself, frequently. This scripture has taken my rambling thoughts and fears and put them in print, right before my eyes. There they all are. And practically, in as much disarray as my thoughts are. (I've always felt a kinship with King David.  Even more so, now.)

Thank you, Father, for speaking to me through your word. Thank you, for your reassurance and that I can see you molding me into a better me. A me that is more like you.

Lord, I know that you are leading me. Help me, Lord, to watch and listen for your direction.

Guess! Just Guess!

Yesterday I told my son that even though God has told me good things are in store for me; like every Christian, heaven, being with Jesus, the ultimate good thing is “in store” for all of us who are His. I told him, I've considered the possibility of God taking me back to the desert to show two families that I dearly love the way to the Father. You gotta know time is getting short.

               My daughters know about God, but don't know Him.

My witness has not been all that great in recent years. In fact, it's been down right bad. I want to show these 2 children of my heart and body, Jesus. I want to encourage them. Help them build a foundation of faith for their children.

I bet ya can't guess what today's subject was in my Random Book of Devotions?​ (And I never peek ahead).

Our Words Are Our Witness

Joshua 24: 22-27 in the New Century Version says:

Then Joshua said, “You are your own witnesses that you have chosen to serve the Lord.”

The people said, “Yes, we are”. Then Joshua said, “ Now throw away the gods that you

have. Love the Lord, the God of Israel with all your heart.” Then the people said to

Joshua, “We will serve the Lord our God and we will obey him.” On that day at Shechen, 

Joshua made an agreement for the people. He made rules and laws for them to follow.

Joshua wrote these things in the Book of the Teachings of God. Then he took a large

stone and set it up under the oak tree near the Lord's Holy tent. Joshua said to all the

people, “See this stone! It will remind you of what we did today. It was here the Lord

spoke to us today. It will remind you of what happened so you will not turn against

your God.

It's not enough to merely believe in the Lord. James 2:19 says “...even the demons believe”. And Matt. 11:28 says, “Yea, rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God and keep it”.

It's not that we have a bunch of do's and don'ts. But we do have a big “do”. Follow Him. We want to be more like him. How can others see Jesus in us if our life never changes? Now, the good news is the change isn't up to us. All we have to do is tell Jesus we want Him in our lives. Ask Him to come in and set up housekeeping. The rest. The changes? You leave to him. He'll guide you to changes or growth and one day you'll look up and say, “Wow! I'm not the way I was.”

Holy Father, thank you again for your word, that is alive and breathing. Thank you that you speak to me through your word. Lord, lead and guide me to the desert. Guide my words and actions. Let me be a witness to others. But especially to my girls. Show them, Lord, that you love them and want them for your own.

Stay Focused

As I lay in bed this morning, before I'm really ready to face my day, my thoughts wander into the past. Mourning the “if onlys” and “I wishes”. I remind myself to shake off what isn't and give my heart to God, to mend and protect.

My thoughts then venture into the future, imagining what I'd like my next home to be. I imagine the rural setting that I'd like. I see myself, alone in my little house, with big windows looking out over my flowers...and start to be afraid. The crime rate is higher where I'm going. And I have to remind myself, again, that God is with me and leading me.

When I opened my Random Book of Devotions this morning it said, “Face Your Fears”. Isn't God great?....And funny? “In a moment of unwavering faith, we step out of our boat – out of our comfort zone – and walk toward Jesus. ...then just as suddenly as we began, we stop focusing on Jesus. ...Our faith vanishes, and as we begin to descend beneath the waves of discouragement (and fear) we cry out, Lord, save me!”

And, of course, he does.

Matthew 14:28-31 says:

And Peter answered unto him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come

unto thee on the water. And he said “come”. And when Peter was come

down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when

he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and began to sink, he cried,

saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth is hand

and caught him, and said unto him; O, thou of little faith, wherefore didst

thou doubt?

There's many lessons to take from this scripture; but today... for me... I hear Almighty God saying my name. Renata. I'm here. You're important to me. I hear him telling me to keep my eyes on him. It's when I take my eyes off of God that things/life gets blurry and scary. And, truth be told, I'm sure my heart wouldn't have been hurt the way it's been, if I hadn't looked away and lost focus.

Thank you, Father, for the letter you wrote to me. Thank you, that it meets Renata right here, where I am today on November 3, 2010. Your letter might as well have my name printed on it's pages, as it is so specific to me.

And thank you, God, that you hold the fears of my yesterdays, of today, and my tomorrows in your hands.

Be with me, Lord, as I step out. I pray, Lord, that my eyes stay on you as I walk into tomorrow.

I'm His....Still

I feel like such a failure when I fall. How can God still want me? Love me? But he does. Praise God!

I picked up my Random Book of Devotions this morning, only to find I had read the last one yesterday. I am temporarily stranded at the same friend's who supplied me with the first out-of-date Random Book of Devotions. I nearly panicked. I've grown dependent on starting out my day with the devotions. Even when I've only allowed a little bit of time, I've got to squeeze in some God time. That's when he talks to me. So anyway, my friend was able to dig out the out-of-date devotional that followed the one I just finished. Of course, God doesn't need this particular Random Book of Devotions. He can speak to me, lead me in his word to what he wants to say to me. (Have you noticed, I tend to ramble?) ANYWAY, this morning it was “”Delivered from Evil” with Galations 1:4 as the text.

Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father.

The author starts out by saying, “Because we have a sin nature, evil often attracts us like a carnival ride”. And then when we realize we've messed up, “we scramble to save ourselves...and fail".

Of course, God knew before creation that Renata would be a problem child and he still called me by name. (Isaiah 43:1 ...Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called [thee] by thy name; thou [art] mine.) He stopped today and spoke to me. Not to tell me that I have a sinful nature, so why fight it; but that he loves me and tho' I failed this time, Christ's righteousness has covered my sin.

I marvel at God's grace. After nearly 40 years as HIS, I am amazed, overjoyed, elated even that God loves ME. That with Jesus' blood covering me I am righteous. Wow !!!

Thank you, God for taking a moment...again... to tell me I am yours. Forgive me for

failing you and help me to do better. This morning, Lord, I give my wrong, sinful

nature to you and ask you to guide me to be Christ-like.

Peace

Ps. 29:11

The Lord will give strength unto his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace.

I'm in the midst of a crisis!

I don't know how I'm going to make the rent AND the car payment this month.

Much less the months that follow.

I should be frantically beseeching God for provision.

Deliverance,

As I have for the last several days.

But I'm not feeling it.

I'm not feeling panic. Or feeling frantic.

I will admit to a flutter,

but God has told me I could give the problem

and all the flutters of fear to him.

Sunday, in church, I asked God if I could just rest in him.

Rest in his promise to take care of me

He's told me in his word that I can do just that.

So, I will smile and KNOW God has a plan.

And if I should slip and pick up this worry again,

I'll remember what it says in Is. 26:34...

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee

because he trusteth in thee.

Dear Heavenly Father, please take all my cares and concerns. You know them all.

Help me, Lord, to trust in you. And thank you for your love and grace. Thank you for your peace.

Guard My Thoughts

Lord, in my heart, I've questioned, what can my thoughts hurt?

If it's just me and my thoughts?

Never spoken.

Never shared.

How can they hurt me or anyone else?

Why do I have to guard my thought life?

The Answer..... Matt. 12:34-35

O generation of vipers how can ye, being evil speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.

A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things; and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.

And if that isn't enough...

Prov. 4:23 says..

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. KJV

A different translation, The New Century Version puts it like this,

Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life. NCV

WOW...WOW...WOW!!!

Our actions are conceived in our thoughts.

That makes me want to hide in the bushes from God.

But....

Thank you Father! For covering me with the righteousness of Christ that makes me, not just acceptable in your presence but You desire me to be near You.

Lord, create in me a clean heart.

It's Me Again God....

Oh, how good is God! I still don't know exactly what God wants me to do in my present circumstances or when or how. But he is so good. I've said before and I'll say again, I do not believe in coincidences for Christians.

You know I've been seeking direction from God. Should I move east, or north, or to the west? Or can I stay here? I believe God has answered that question. I still don't know how I'm to do what he he says. All of it will take resources I don't have. But, of course, my Heavenly Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Ps. 50:10). Yesterday I kept asking if I was fooling myself. I know the Bible tells us to pray, but am I imagining that God is speaking to me? Am I being a drama queen? Is God listening to me? Will he answer me?

This morning, my Random Booklet of Devotions started out with “Persistence Pays”.

Luke 18:1-8 tells of a judge who didn't fear God or man.

Then Jesus used this story to teach his followers that they should

always pray and never lose hope. In a certain town there was a

judge who did not respect God or care about people. In that same

town there was a widow who kept coming to this judge, saying,

give me my rights against my enemy. For a while the judge re-

fused to help her, but afterwards he thought to himself, even though

I don't respect God or care about people, I will see that she gets

her rights. Otherwise, she will continue to bother me until I am

worn out. The Lord said, “ Listen to what the unfair judge said,

God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him

night and day, and he will not be slow to answer them. I tell you

God will help his people quickly. But when the Son of Man comes

again, will he find those on earth who believe in him?” NCV

Ok God, I'll continue to cry out to you. With faith believing that you are answering

me. That I belong to you. That you will show me the way I should go and what I

should do.

Thank you, Lord, for going with me through this journey. I'm thankful I'm not alone.

Ps. 119:105 says

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

It has recently been brought to my attention that this lamp is not a beacon shining into my future, showing where my steps will lead me, but only where to take the next step. I gotta say right now, I feel like I'm taking tiny, little, baby steps. It's either I'm just so stubborn that's all I have faith to do or a baby step of light is all God is allowing right now.

Life isn't what I expected but isn't it exciting to know that God is taking, leading me on an adventure? He told us he has a plan for us. Plans for a hope and a future. (Jer. 29:11) If I allow myself to rest in him, to have faith in him, my tomorrows aren't near as scary.

I'm His Anyway!

Check this out...
     Ps. 130:3  If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?


     Eph. 2:8-9  For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God.  Not of works, lest any man should boast.


     Thirty nine years ago, as a young teen-ager, I gave my heart to the Lord.  You'd think the last four decades as a Christian would see me as a mature Christian today.  With some wisdom.  Discernment.  Faith.
      I think I'm more stubborn than most.  I can look back and see that I went through phases in my Christian walk.  In my early teens I was pious and full of righteous indignation on behalf of God, at times.  As a young mother, I took God for granted most of the time.  And other times in my life, I was too ashamed to speak to him or I came to him only when I needed rescue. 



Thank you Father that you love me because ….well, because you love me. Thank you that when you look at me you see your perfect son and that through him I can be saved. Even though I know I must try your patience at times. Father, guide me to know you better. To be more like you and to show your love. I ask, Lord, that when others look at me, they see you.



Readers,

God loves you and wants you to be with him forever, through out eternity. This blog is an inside peek into the journey through life, it's trials and victories that I'm taking but I want you to know how to find God.

In the New Century Version, Romans 3:23 says “All have sinned and are not good enough for
God's glory.”
Chapter 5:12 says, “Sin came into the world because of what one man did, and with sin came death. This is why everyone must die—because everyone sinned.”
Chapter 6:23 “When people sin, they earn what sin pays—death.”
Back to 5, verse 8 “But God shows his great love for us in this way: Christ died for us while we were still sinners.”
10:13 “as the scripture says, anyone who calls on the Lord will be saved.”
Then chapter 10:9-11 says, “If you use your mouth to say, Jesus is Lord and if you believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you will be saved. We believe with our hearts and so we are made right with God. And we use our mouths to say that we believe, and so we are saved. As the scripture says, anyone who trusts in him will never be disappointed.”

It is my prayer that you walk down this Romans' Road to Salvation and ask Jesus into your heart. You will never be disappointed. There's a link at the top of this blog where you can email me. Please do so and let me know you've decided to follow his lead or if you have any questions. I obviously don't have a lot of answers but I know the answer man. The one who created it all.

Tomorrows...

Throughout the day, yesterday, as my thoughts turned back to the scriptures I had read I thought, if I do go to the “desert”, I can imagine what it'll be like to say goodbye to this home and friends (or one in particular) here. Putting distance between me and what I'd hoped would be.

I'm certain there'll be tears (but then, I cry at the drop of a hat sometimes). I'll mourn what may be the loss of my heart's dream.

My devotion today, (you know, that random booklet of devotions) was titled, “When You're Sorrowful”. (Y'all have got to get one of these booklets.) now, when I first read the title, I thought this one wasn't one of those that God was gonna talk to me through. I had forgotten about my thoughts of saying goodbye. Until I read the text. Coincidentally, (Ha!) it picks up where it stopped yesterday....Is. 35:5-10.
Then the blind people will see again, and the deaf will hear. Crippled
people will jump like deer, and those who can't talk will shout with joy.
Water will flow in the desert, and streams will flow in the dry land. The
burning desert will have pools of water and dry ground will have springs.
Where wild dogs once lived, grass and water plants will grow. (So far it
just seems like an elaboration of yesterday. Then.....)
A road will be there; this highway will be called “THE ROAD TO BEING
HOLY”. (grunt!!! I almost choked on my bagel.) Evil people will not

be allowed to walk on it. Only good people will walk on it. No fools

will go on it. No lions will be there, nor will dangerous animals be on

that road. They will not be found there. That road will be for the people

God saves; the people the Lord has freed will return there. They will enter

Jerusalem with joy and their happiness will last forever. Their gladness

and joy will fill them completely; and sorrow and sadness will go far away.

(I so want to find a home I can rest in. To finally rest..)

I was taken a back. Shocked, when I read v. 8, ...this highway will be called “the Road to Being Holy”. It jumped out at me, since my journey and conversations with God recently are about being holy. And I was sure the name of the road was even capitalized. How odd, I thought, that those words would be. I reread that verse. It isn't in capital letters, but that's what it looked like as I read it the first time.

These scriptures do elaborate on yesterday's verses. Today's scriptures tell me I'll be made whole in areas I've been crippled.

I'll be refreshed.

They tell me I'll be protected.

A few weeks ago I prayed that I would hear his voice like Is. 30:21 says. “And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.” (KJV..King James sounds so pretty, so poetic.) That's what v. 8 was like. Go here, this way leads to the highway called The Road to Being Holy. If I wrote everything that's going through my head, you'd think I'm crazier than you do already.

But know this...God is so good.

He loves me. Loves me enough to talk, specifically, to Renata.

And he loves you that much, too.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, that you hold my tomorrows. Tomorrows
scare me, Lord, but you've told me you have good plans for me, not plans
to hurt me, but plans for hope and a good future (Jer. 29:11). Help me,
Lord, to trust you with my tomorrows and my fears.

Scared Spitless

This morning, I opened my eyes and my first thought was, “Lord, I'm scared spitless". I continued talking to God as I readied for the day ahead. My under-employment for the last 9 months doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon; so I need direction from God.  Literally.  Do I go north, east, west or stay here?

My folks are to the east, in Arkansas and would love for me to go stay with them until I get on my feet.

My son and his family are a little to the north, here in Texas.  They have 3 children who would like nothing better than for Grandma to come stay with them.

The west is where my other 2 children live.  My best friend has a room ready for me there.

As I talked to God this morning and pondered these options, all with pros and cons, I complained that flowers won't grow in the desert to the west and I crave a garden again.

I asked God to direct me. Lead me. Give me a sign.

My devotion this morning was titled, “When You're Afraid”.  Now, I'm no longer really surprised by God reaching or bending down to speak to me. This booklet of seemingly random devotions, given to me by a friend has on more occasions than not spoken to me the words I need, at precisely the time I need to hear them.

The text was Isaiah 35, verses 1 through 4. I pulled my New Century Version translation toward me. ( I've been reading through the book of Isaiah and this translation makes it more understandable to me.) The text for this random devotion begins....

The desert and dry land will become happy; the desert will be glad

and will produce flowers. (no joke, look it up yourself. New Century Version)

Like a flower it will have many blooms. It will show it's happiness,

as if it were shouting with joy. It will be beautiful like the forest of

Lebanon, as beautiful as the hills of Sharon. Everyone will see the

glory of the Lord and the splendor of our God. Make the weak hands

strong and the weak knees steady (have I mentioned I've started wear-

ing a knee brace everyday? Haha. I just thought it was funny.) Say

to the people who are frightened “Be strong, don't be afraid. Look,

your God will come, and he will punish your enemies. He will make

them pay for the wrong they did

But he will save you.

Oh Father, I don't believe in coincidences when it comes to you. But, here I am again, asking, 

“Are you talking to me?!?”

You know my heart...better than I know it myself,

...well, to be honest I don't have a clue what my heart wants anymore. 

Father, as I continue to seek you, please guide me, 

and like Gideon, not quite convinced with the first supernatural miracle of your communication, please talk to me again.

Show me, Lord, (preferably without buckling my knees) what I should do.

He's in control and He has a plan!

Isaiah 55:8-13

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways saith the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways,

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

For as the rain cometh down and the snow from heaven and returneth not thither, but

watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and

bread to the eater.

So shall my word that goeth fort out of my mouth it shall not return into me void, but

it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the things whereto I sent it.

For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills

shall break forth before into singing and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

Instead of the thorn shall come up the fig tree, and instead of the brier shall come up

the myrtle tree; and it shall be to the Lord for a name, for an everlasting sign that shall not be

cut off.

WOW!!! What I see in verse 13 is that where we expect to see thorns or wasteland in our lives, God will cause a fruitful fig or a beautiful myrtle tree to grow instead!!! I see HOPE.

My devotion today suggested I make a list of questions I have for God and questions about my life.

1. I keep getting life wrong. Why am I still here?
   Am I being prepared for your kingdom?
2. Lord, can I have a home, with no more roaming?
3. Can my heart find roots?
   Ok, God, I recognize the eternal answer to these questions, but they're regarding my earthly life.
4. I read something by Max Lucado, I think, that my spiritual gift can be found at the intersection of my heart's desire and Your will. I don't understand. So my question is... Huh?

Father, regardless of my cluelessness; thank you for being in control; for having a

hope and a plan for me.